The ocean

In recent years I have felt a pull to breathe the ocean air. I was not necessarily a fan of the beach nor the ocean, but my husband was, and he was finding himself being drawn to it in a way that was more like being “homesick”. Clearly it was time to move up the “retire to the beach” idea. Interestingly at the same time as our epiphany, one of my dearest friends moved to a lovely little seaside village and had been posting amazing sunrise and sunset photo’s. He kept telling our circle of friends to come and check it out. Well of course a couple did “come and check it out” and that started an avalanche conversations and ‘what ifs’ that ultimately resulted in a number of us relocating to this gorgeous piece of paradise. And even though we are experiencing all of the challenges that come with a big relocation, the overwhelming feeling for my family is that we are home.

Just quietly, I did have concerns about how I would transition to a seaside town considering I am really not a fan of sand and the ocean has always been a source of fear for me. Honestly though, I am quite surprised by not only the shift but also the speed at which it has occurred. It started like this; during the first week I walked on the beach early morning and late afternoon and even though most mornings there was a desire to swim I only ventured into the water once. The water, the waves and the fact I came ahead of my family and so I was alone, made the idea of swimming quite a daunting prospect. At the end of week one, I was at the beach with my daughter and the grandbabies (6, 3, & 2), who were usually content to play in the little creek inlet rather than the waves. On this day however, the two oldest were asking if they could go to the waves. The youngest wanted her Mama close by so I offered to take the older two down to the surf.

As I walked to the shore, I had a moment of “what were you thinking, you are petrified to go beyond your waist?” Those thoughts were interrupted by the three-year-old looking up at me to say, “Thankyou Abuela for taking me to the waves.” Amazing how we can be moved to face fears by the love of one so young! So, I pushed down the fear, put a smile on my face and completely engaged with my grandkiddies. There I was teaching my grandchildren how to boogie board in the shallows, helping them up every time they got knocked over by a wave and modelling a healthy respect for the ocean rather than fear. Somewhere in amongst all of that, I found such incredible joy! That day was the beginning of what has turned out to be a much quicker than expected transition to a love for swimming in the ocean.

Four weeks in, I was swimming twice a day on most days, diving under the water and going out to where I could not touch the bottom. Not completely without fear, and never alone, but definitely with a lot more confidence and a feeling of my day not being complete without a dip in the ocean. I do think I have had a little help from the Universe! The sea has been very calm, the kind most people would call flat and so I have had the ability to enjoy the water without being tossed around. Around week six, I got down to the water and the waves were up. I am certain every surfer in town was out on the water or at least running to get out on the water. I walked on that day rather than my usual walk and a swim, but not because the water was daunting, purely because it was a little chilly. For the first time in my life, I looked at the waves and felt a sense of excitement joy rather than my usual total and utter abject fear!

The epilogue to this story is that the waves and the cooler weather hung around for a few days and despite that, I braved the ocean. The feeling of joy and release was more than I could have imagined. Just short of two months in our new home, my need for a companion in the water is gone and I have begun swimming laps. There have even been moments on calm water days when I was out deep enough that the bottom was not touchable and I didn’t feel panic or major fear, just a mild concern with a hint of fear. I look forward to the day when the fear is completely replaced with nothing more than a healthy respect for the might and wonder of the ocean. If it had been suggested to me that one day I would love swimming in the ocean and that the abject fear would be gone, I would have dismissed it out of hand. And this is why we should ‘never say never’ and why it is so important to challenge our fears and push our boundaries, because who knows what is waiting for us on the other side!